Lessons from New York

Life over the last few months+ has been a little crazy. Between balancing growing work responsibilities with caring for Mom after her transplant and everything else life throws at you, there has been little time left to nurture relationships, let alone care for myself. It was such a joy to actively love my family, but I was a little bit on the frazzled side. Let's face it- I've been a basket case.

Fast forward to last week. I was in NYC for a week and a half doing PR & trade show stuff. The long hours on our feet and late late night dinners with the team amounted to a strong desire for some solo time. So, after the show, I took a couple of days to play in the city all by my lonesome. I tend to be an extroverted loner, an independent gal who loves to party with the people... as long as I get some peace. This was my chance for quiet in the chaos of the city.

Soooo I did what I love to do- found some hole in the wall foodie joints, did the museum thang, spent time just being in the park. I even stood in the rain in a sea of strangers, getting soaked as we watched the fireworks on the Fourth of July. Something about being anonymous was thrilling. It was like I was keeping a secret and nobody knew. I didn't do what I normally do- talk to strangers and make new friends/ freak people out. Keeping to yourself may sound normal for a lot of people, but I suppose I am just built differently. It's more "normal" for me to strike up a random conversation than not, but for some reason I held back. Now I realize that it might have been a part of this lesson I ended up learning.

You see, for so long I have wanted to have a NY residential adventure. Whether it's for 6 months or 3 years, I just REALLY wanted to live there. Maybe it's the spell that the city puts on people, but having only lived in San Diego, I yearned to move somewhere alone. As a result of this trip, something changed.

It wasn't a bad trip at all. In fact, it was great. I enjoyed some much needed down time and walked off every last latte, but I also walked off discontentment I may have had. I gained a whole new appreciation for the life I have here in San Diego. Not only did I miss the home I have cultivated over the years, but also the people that fill it as guests at dinner parties, friends turned roomies or when they simply stop by for some couch time. I missed the people that just feeeeel like home. It wasn't that I was homesick or over the traveling. I wasn't lonely or sad. I just realized, "Wow, I am so blessed and somehow I am silly enough to forget that."

I saw a movie one night and almost everyone in the theater was alone. Now, I am all for watching movies or going to dinner solo and all that jazz. It's liberating, but this was something else. I realized how, in such a populated place, so many people are walking through life alone. And then it clicked- I don't have to do that. True, as life changes and everyone grows up (except me), our friendships change. They don't die, they just change. I realize many of the people closest to me are on their honeymoons, perhaps on baby #2 or have even ABANDONED ME and moved away (Chidge, Ilulu, Shawmama & Bastard Boy- I am SO calling you out!) Our friendships can't be exactly the same, but they are still amazingly beautiful and important. Same, but different ;)

I can always count on my friends, but there is a point where I will need a partner to walk through life with. At 28 years young, I finally have come to understand the main purpose of a husband. Call me slow, but now I get it. We need someone to champion for us. We need someone to pick us up when we fall, to call us out, to correct and teach us, to love us the way we have been called to love. It's only natural to want to care for others, to be both their cheerleader and nurturer.

I don't know why God used this trip to NY to remind me of what I have. Maybe it's because I needed an ass whooping. Maybe it's because it points me back to His grace. Maybe it's because it was time to learn to love MY city on a new level. Whatever the case, I am so happy to be home. I am happy, more than anything, to have people that I call home, no matter where we are logistically. We could stand in a crowded room of "friends," but there are only some that I would want to wipe my tears, to share my fears and my deepest joys. If you are reading this, you are probably one of those people. Or just a stranger who randomly found this weird blog. If you are the latter, I apologize for the grammar that will not be corrected. If you are the former, thank you. Seriously.

So, grab the Kleenex for the tears and perhaps a box of Depends for the laughs. Like it or not, we are in this one for the long haul.

xoxo,
pb
aka b. lo, jamming b-funk feldman, brookie cookie wookie woman and other slightly embarrassing nicknames